Not Helpless Anymore

On Thursday, August 5 at 12pm EST on Three Wise Girls on Blog Talk Radio, we are introducing a very powerful story to all of you. We are here to share with you a little bit about a woman that fell in love with this handsome, athletic guy… The man of her dreams!! They fell in love and got married, she had everything a young woman could ever want, a husband, a career, children in other words her own fairytale come true. Few years into the marriage, shortly after they had their second child, her husband ask her to stop working and take care of the children full-time; she agrees since he was in the military and they were comfortable economically. Shortly after that, he decided to sell her car, because there was no need to have multiple vehicles he said. Then he started timing her and checking the odometer in his car; if she was on the phone he will sit next to her and listen to her conversations.

Later his attentions with her started changing, everything she did appears to be wrong the more she tried to make everything to his standards the worse he treated her. Suddenly one morning without warnings, he grabs her by the ankle pulls her off the bed and starts punching her repeatedly. His excuse, he had a bad report from his commander. Once he calmed down he apologizes and he said it wasn’t going to happen again he said he will seek help and everything will go back to what it was. A week later he got home from work and he didn’t agree with what she cooked for him so he push her against the counter and start beating. This time she woke up in the hospital, no signs of her kids, or him; just few broken ribs and bruises everywhere but even then her physical pain wasn’t as great as the pain of not knowing the fate of her kids; Did he hurt them? Are they safe? Nobody, seems to have an answer.

Finally a familiar face an MP (Military Police) that works with him walks in the door ask her for a statement and, in closing, he said its not as bad as it looks. You should try to work things out! Your kids are safe they will be in the room in a little bit. Sighs of relief were heard from the hospital bed. Once she had some privacy she called the state police and ask them to come to the hospital where they took a statement and arrested him. The Military Police didn’t think it was necessary to press charges, but she took manners into her own hands.

Once he was arrested she called her mother who clearly stated over the phone “You must have done something, and you deserve what he did to you”. Hurt by her mothers words she realizes she was alone; the woman that brought her into this world thinks she deserve it - who is out there that would want to help her out of this situation?

According to the state there wasn’t enough evidence to prosecute him plus, since the incident happened on the military premises the military police were to be the ones that needed to press charges. They let him go and the the military let him return to the house again. At this point she didn’t care about herself. She had no family and no money. All she cared about was her children and making sure that they were safe, which is a hard thing to do since she was unable to use the phone because he walked around the house with the cordless in his pocket and will put it in the car while he was at work so she couldn’t call for help. She had no money because he had all the checks, ATM cards, credit cards; everyday she woke up it was a blessing because she was able to see another day.

The Military order him to go to anger management classes and he leaves work to “attend” but (he never make it to the sessions). He said he wanted to change and for a period of few months he did, things were no punches, no bruises, they started to attend church, and spend family time together. She got pregnant (on the pill), he received a phone call from Puerto Rico where they were originally from with bad news his nephew/godson was going to be taken away from his mother and placed in foster care if no one from the family wanted to be responsible for him. They talk and agree to bring the child to live with them. He goes to pick him up, it was really exciting for their kids, and while he went and picked him up the rest of the family went shopping for winter cloth for him and a bedroom set so he had his own things when he arrived. Angel went to up-state NY to live with his new family, the 3 kids were happy but soon the screaming and yelling started all over, only now was there was one more child in the house but she was pregnant again. Angel grows very close to his new family, so close he call his godfather's wife Mom and the kids brother and sister…Angel never had a brother or a sister and he sits with his new mom and tells her "I'm going to be the man of the house and I'm going to take care of all of you". (He was the older among the children) He use to rub his moms belly and say “It will be okay baby”.

One day his “dad” started yelling and he took the rest of the kids into the room and close the door. Dad had mom by the neck and had the water in the tub running and he kept screaming "I should’ve have done this a long time ago". Angel started screaming to leave his mommy alone and he lets go of mom to push Angel out of the bathroom. Mom is afraid that he was going to hurt him and runs out of the bathroom, tired of all the abuse, and reaches for dads gun. When he reached for he,r Angel jumped in the way and dad gave him a deadly blow to his head. Mom grabbed the gun and pointed at him and said “Self defense its not murder” and made him give her the phone. She called the police while pointing at him - his own gun! Mom runs to Angel just to find out that he was not breathing. When police and paramedics arrive at the house they pronounce him dead.

The Military Police remove the man, the woman, the kids and the body of Angel from the house. Kids were put in foster care while they conducted investigations, because according to the Military Police, they didn’t had any records of previous disturbances. Thankfully she had copy of all the paperwork and records from hospital or God knows what would’ve happened. Her father, the kids grandfather, requested custody of the children while they clear moms name. A new baby is born 4 months later healthy and okay, just like Angel said, but her dad had to pick him up from the hospital before social services took him too.

Mom fought tirelessly the military, the department of children and families, and all the people that wanted to make it impossible for her to get on her feet. Wanting to give up many times, tempted to start using alcohol and drugs, with suicidal thoughts because she didn’t only loose Angel, she lost her other kids to the state. Her home that was impounded for evidence; for her there was nothing else she could loose. She stayed strong! Eventually she got custody back of the 2 oldest but by the time they were able to clear her name, the baby was almost a year old and the only mom and dad he knew were his grandparents, so for the childs well being they decided that it was best for them to adopt him.

Her Prince charming was found guilty of murder, 2 counts of aggravated assault, 1 attempted homicide against mom, and he is serving 25 years in Ft. Leavenworth (Military Prison). She knows the pain of losing a child; she knows that the physical pain is nothing compared to the emotional pain that domestic violence cause and how it can scar you for life if you allow it to. Angel’s death is the reason why she and her kids are alive today and she has a testimony to share.

This is the story of Edca, a survivor of domestic violence. She is 33 years old, owns couple clothing stores, and is a talent manager with a company that meets the needs for the entertainment business. The reason why she is sharing part of her story with us is because you, your sister, your mother, your friend, your co-worker, your neighbor can be dealing with domestic violence.

Domestic Violence is not an addiction, it is not contagious but it is embarrassing and full of shame and can be deadly for the person that is in the situation. You can save a life today by letting someone know that no matter how bad it is or how much they love the person they are with, it is not safe for them and for their children.

Domestic violence don’t discriminate. It happens to rich people as well as poor, white, black, asian, latino it doesn’t matter, it affect us all. There is help, and there is hope. Edna has seen abusers that change, but they need to recognize first that they have a problem and they need to seek help. It is a process that can be lengthy and frustrating. Victims, Edna has been there; saw death closer than a lot of you hopefully never have to. Its not easy but there is help, but you have to give the first step and want to fix the situation.

Unfortunately she had to go though tragedy to be offered help. She has met thousands of women with stories similar to hers and worse, and they have come out of that situation and have started over and today they are successful. She has also met women that have said, "Its not that bad, and it will get better". that are no longer with us. She is here today because a seven year old, Angel, her Angel is no longer with her. Domestic Violence took him from her. She didn’t know anyone that could help, anyone that wanted to help. She wasn’t aware of all the programs and help available to help the domestic violence victims nationwide, but now she is and is sharing them here. If you need help, she here as well as thousands of women nationwide that are willing to help, that are willing to walk by your side during those difficult times, and be there for you after the storm has passed….Thank you for taking the time and allowing me to share my story. God Bless and keep you safe!!!

Tune into Blog Talk Radio's Three Wise Girls show on Thursday August 5 at 12pm EST to hear from Edca - and find out that you are not alone...
Please feel free to contact Edna anytime, she is available to support any programs or individuals, she is a guest speaker, there for interviews, and most importantly, to help and wants the help…
Edca Quinones
Nycconnexion@gmail.com
www.twitter.com/nycconnexion